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Charlie Sheen Roast – The Meanest Jokes [VIDEO]

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The roast of Charlie Sheen has been recorded and will air on Comedy Central on Monday, September 19 which also happens to be the same night that Two and a Half Men will premiere with Ashton Kutcher as Charlie’s replacement. The roast looks like it is going to be a must see show, definitely DVR worthy. Here are the eight meanest jokes and who said them as well as a very funny video advertising the upcoming show.

1. “You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the ’80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.” -Amy Schumer

2. “If you’re winning, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns — don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?” -Jeffrey Ross

3. “Brooke Mueller is not very bright unless Charlie throws a lamp at her…Mike Tyson, your opponents spent more time bleeding in the corner than Charlie’s ex wives.” -Jeffrey Ross

4. “The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” -Anthony Jeselnik

5.”Charlie still hasn’t hit rock bottom. He’s looking forward to it though, because he thinks there’s a rock there.” -Steve-O

6. “You dropped out of school faster than Casey Anthony’s kid.” -Anthony Jeselnik

7. “It’s amazing, after abusing your lungs, liver and kidneys, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.” -Kate Walsh

8. “Charlie, you claim to have ‘tiger blood,’ but after all the porn stars you’ve [had sex with], it’s probably Tiger Woods’ blood.” -Seth MacFarlane

Check out this super funny commercial advertising the roast [NSFW]:




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